Four minutes until I can fart!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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