When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
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