We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i drank out of a bidet.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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