Nicole vs. Life
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
