How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
