i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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