Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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