I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
