i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I looked at my own cervix.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize