Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need water and some morals
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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