Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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