I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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