just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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