She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize