Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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