Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
