remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
