I want to make a zoo with you.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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