mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
