It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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