i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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