I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
