Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
