She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize