I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
