u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
