So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
