She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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