i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
