Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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