so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
