We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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