Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
