I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
