in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize