I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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