"it" just moved
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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