at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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