Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
BRING THE BAGELS
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
