where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
