He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize