Just cropdusted the office
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
