Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
