I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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