just come out here and I will go home with you...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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