Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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