No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
