Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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