Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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