Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
