i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
