I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
