im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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