I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
