Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
