I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
