it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
