you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
