I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize