i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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