yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
