mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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