i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
