so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
