Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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