I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
