made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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