I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
