The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize