Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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