some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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