I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
