There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
