You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
