Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
