I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize