We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
