I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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