REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize