He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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